My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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