It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
