I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
lol hangovers are for mortals.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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