o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
