Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Boobs speak an international language.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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