No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
