My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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