so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
