so that wasnt chicken after all
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
