I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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