Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
