No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
