He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
After tacos, we're chasing women.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
