I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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