We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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