Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
