I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
