OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
