I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
