i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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