I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
