I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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