that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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