so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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