Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
