There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
