no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize