my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
