Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
