Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
