i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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