two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
