I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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