Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
