I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
