6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
