Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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