Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
