I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
