I skipped work to stalk him.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
