the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
