this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize