Ambien. No doubt about it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
