So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Those nachos came to me in a dream
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
