I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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