hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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