yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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