I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
