my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
