It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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