fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
