Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
