we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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