i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
