Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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