Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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