Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
