i will never coherently bang her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
