do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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