Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
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it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
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I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth