Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now

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(248): I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now http://tfl.nu/naz7

Replies (3) Good night (3274) Bad night (873)
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(214): View more from Texas

I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.

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(214): I wish you were here to vomit in your hand. http://tfl.nu/my7z

Replies (4) Good night (740) Bad night (2011)
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(775): View more from Nevada

If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.

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(775): If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band. http://tfl.nu/wzbw

Replies (32) Good night (6204) Bad night (688)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

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(203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg

Replies (290) Good night (63390) Bad night (4960)
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(443): View more from Maryland

repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.

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(443): repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. http://tfl.nu/ux00

Replies (16) Good night (5857) Bad night (1482)
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(305): View more from Florida

He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.

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(305): He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys. http://tfl.nu/g37d

Replies (310) Good night (11479) Bad night (5818)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.

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(314): I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY. http://tfl.nu/obak

Replies (7) Good night (4467) Bad night (968)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.

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(217): Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn. http://tfl.nu/jae6

Replies (11) Good night (1951) Bad night (546)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.

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(412): I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing. http://tfl.nu/guzu

Replies (11) Good night (598) Bad night (919)
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(636): View more from Missouri

That dog was the best thing i ever touched

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(636): That dog was the best thing i ever touched http://tfl.nu/rr6d

Replies (8) Good night (972) Bad night (701)
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(773): View more from Illinois

I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.

(847): View more from Illinois

i think the last part kind of negates the first part there

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(773): I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off. (847): i think the last part kind of negates the first part there http://tfl.nu/g7hy

Replies (3) Good night (1075) Bad night (466)
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(847): View more from Illinois

So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.

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(847): So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day. http://tfl.nu/zt4q

Replies (1) Good night (789) Bad night (486)
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(253): View more from Washington

Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.

(1-253): View more from Washington

Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.

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(253): Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now. (1-253): Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now. http://tfl.nu/vki8

Replies (2) Good night (708) Bad night (364)
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(+35): View more from

Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?

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(+35): Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean? http://tfl.nu/kb5k

Replies (1) Good night (337) Bad night (403)
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(602): View more from Arizona

You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?

(505): View more from New Mexico

...it's a 9am class...

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(602): You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer? (505): ...it's a 9am class... http://tfl.nu/7p5a

Replies (2) Good night (649) Bad night (344)

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