i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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