Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Plan B is the new Plan A
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
