I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
