I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
