I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
