i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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