Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
