whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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