I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
