Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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