i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
