It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
