man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We need to rekindle our bromance
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
