Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
