i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Randomize
