I wanna passion pit in your ass
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
