if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
