I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So apparently I’m into choking now
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