i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
