Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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