I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
