Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Randomize
