he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Every concussion has its silver lining
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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