I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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