By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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